I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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