dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
