so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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