Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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