My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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