I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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