how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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