as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
