The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Randomize
