Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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