What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
