i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
