And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
