dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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