Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
