I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
