I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
