you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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