Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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