just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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