who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
