Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
