I skipped work to stalk him.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
