i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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