evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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