how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
