Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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