You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
