I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
