I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
