last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
