my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
