Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
