I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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