Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You took a bar mat shot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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