Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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