tell your sister to shave her snatch
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
