My friends, they love my intelligence
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
