Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
please don't ironically join a cult
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