I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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