I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
