Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
