He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Are my feet made of real feet?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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