Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
