it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
