Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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