drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
