I will die if light touches me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
