unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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