he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
